Hekkoto

Hi my little darklings <3 Here I come with this big life update and some announcements! So first - Im feeling way better and I can say I will be truly active and post a lot <3 Im so excited! Important thing - I drew those Patreon prints I owed some people: I will send mail in March and it will have prints for November, December, January and February [+ for March if you will still be my Patron]. Im sorry it took me eternity to catch up on those but finally I can send you those <3 Im super super grateful for your support and understanding that my health was killing me Print for February will be sent to everyone who are my Patron before 10th of March! Plus then you also will get March one ;p I gonna focus a lot on my YT this year, I wanna post there artistic stuff but also life vlogs and some gaming. And I will be posting speedpaints where I talk in background My goal is to post 3 videos per week at some point. I also hope to maybe do weekly livestreams? My other focus will be my Patreon, I wanna go back to posting all planned stuff :> I might do little changes to Patreon tiers but I will let you know! Oh, about that Gorenuary challenge... Yes, I failed it But I gonna draw arts for every prompt anyway ^^ Hopefully I will finish it to the end of a year hahah >XD I have idea for some bigger projects for this year, like I wanna start making new game and work on some horror ARG :> I wanna also come back to working a lot on my universe Terroether ^^ Hopefully I will make big progress in designing/redesigning my ocs! I also hope to come back to making lil animations and animatics :> My health still isnt perfect, also some of illnesses will be present for a rest of my life. I decided to live my life with accepting this as I cant do anything about this. So there will be days I wont do anything. My meds and doctors are super expensive, thankfully right now my parents support us a lot financially. If you wanna donate to help me go through it here is my fundraiser: https://pomagam.pl/nhg96m I will be updating it when it comes to my health Also, great news - my parents said I dont owe them money I borrowed to upgrade my graphic card. They gave my brother money for car so Im not in debt daaaaaaaaaaaamn, Im so happy about this! Im again happy and full of motivation; I was able to escape depressive episodes [hopefully they wont be back too often {cause of borderline}] and I found joy in creating again. Im not terrified anymore if Im not good enough or what others think about me. So I hope I will be able to draw and post again regularly :> Okay, I guess thats all for now :> I missed you a lot guys and I hope to be truly back for real this time :>

OMG guys, finally, Im FULLY BACK! Daaaaaamn, I missed my everyday art routine of creating

So, I wanna explain in short my huge absence in last months and not being able to come back in begining of this year:

-my mental and physical health were horrible, thankfully now is better

-me archieving getting bachelor's degree in Graphic was kinda ignored by part of my family and I immediatelly get pushed to having successful job and such. It fucked up me mentally

-I was already severely overworked and being pushed even more and being always 'not good enough' also fucked me up

-I was assaulted by 3 big men in February last year and fact those fuckers got away with trying to rob me cause police, train police and finally head of this train company didnt gave a shit. I already had trauma related to men, now it got even worse

-incompetence of some doctors; is that surprise those were men? When I went to female doctors everything started getting better; also going to doctors specializing in certain illness is something I must do

-I had to upgrade my graphic card; I had some issues with getting post-cryptocurrency mining trash first from BIG SHOP, thanfully I eventually was able to return this and got even better one – tho I had to wait for my brother-in-law to come here and help me with setting this all. But its here now! Oh btw, thanks to selling some of my stuff I also upgraded my graphic display!

-I rethinked my life and such. I know now that I dont gonna give a fuck what other would want from me to become but go my path. I know I wanna be artist, work from home, do arts and videos. Im ready to quit contact with anyone who is gonna to push me and will keep making me feel worse. Huge thanks for ruining my life already but I gonna take controll now – no matter who it will be, be nice to me or you will never hear from me again

so I guess its all ;)

as you see, my life was quite bad last year but now Im back and fully of energy and creativity~

But Im positive about now and future; I was making some changes in my life and I know clearly what I wanna do in my life, how I want to it look like and such

I feel like I gonna catch up with stuff to end of month or something like that :>

Im super grateful for all of your love and support, super thankful of all donations, commissions and all of my Patrons. Also huge thanks for all likess, comments and follows <3

So stay tuned for tomorrow, I wanna rest a bit and clean and prepare my space today and start some work but tomorrow.... tomorrow Im coming back to power~ love ya and see ya~!!!!

Hi guys!

First, I wish you the best in this new year! I hope you had great Christmas and New Year, I also hope 2023 wasnt so bad for you hah

So, as you know 2023 was super awful for me. Only reason I wont call it 'the worst' is fact I had a lot of support from my family and friends. But yeah, beside graduating college with bachelor's degree in Graphics everything was awful and failure. My health got awful, I was in unbearable pain and my mental health got worse too. Im slowly getting better, there are still some days which are living hell but its not nonstop pain and suffering anymore lolz

Im still getting some shit diagnosed so there are still some issues. But last year showed me to focus both on my dreams and what is possible with my health and kind of personality I have. I decided to fully focus on creating content for internet as its one of few possibilities I have which both fullfils my special needs and is something I want. Obviously cause of my health issues I couldnt do much last year but I hope this year will be better ;)

I hope to be fully back rn, Im gonna post missing requests and comms in upcoming days, for Patreon prints - yes, I failed with December too but I decided I gonna just make them this month and people who supported me in November and December will get them. You will just get nice thicc mail this month hahah >XD I hope to post photo of Patreon print for January on 8th.

Btw, I moved my gore challenge - Gorenuary its called now haha and its for both January and February one of lessons I got last year is that I need to fit to my body needs and to give myself more time. Perhaps later when I will go back to regular creating I will be able to draw ands post everyday but not now ;p

I hope to actually start posting regularly on my YT too, I feel like this can be good thing I could do and I think it will work out I wanna say already, Im unable to niche as Im someone who wanna do EVERYTHING >XD so yeah, expect art stuff, gaming and some more chill vlogs~ and I hope to start livestreaming :>

I will make video + post on Patreon about my thoughts about 2023 and goals for 2024, stay tuned :>

I really missed you guys <3 and Im super grateful for your support <3

btw, as only my husband makes money rn I made fundraising, if you wanna help here it is: https://pomagam.pl/nhg96m [its polish site but its aviable to international support and there is text both in polish and english. I gonna update how my recovery and such is going very soon too]

My parents support me rn financially when it comes to health expenses, I also borrowed money for new graphic card [my GTX 1060 is outdated :/ bruh, its only 10 years old >XD] so I hope to buy new one very soon. I gonna pay them monthly those money back but I actually need this shit to work

Im super super grateful for all the support and patience you gave me last months <3 I went to Hell and back so I have a lot of stuff to talk about and many arts to share <3 I love ya <3

Hi guys!

Welp, where to start it…. I had some unexpected absence in last times and Im super sorry for this. Im super sorry for no info or update; I wanna be honest – I had extremaly hard time, I suffered from extreme anxiety related to creating or being online, I was also on edge of mental breakdown. My physical health had some major decrease too, it was hell. I had a lot of dark thought in last months, especially lately. So I also wanna thank a lot my husband and my friends Jacek and Charles – you guys saved my life! Im super grateful for all the love and support everyone gives me online, Im sorry I was unable to be there and talk or smth. I really appreciate all of you, Im also super happy to have family and friends who support me or at least try to haha

Im aware I owe some arts and such to some people and I promise to try catch up with this asap. Im also very sorry for not letting anyone know I struggle and stuff will be delayed. I hope to have most of it done/posted before end of a year. My focus in upcoming days will be catching up on Patreon rewards and commission.

I know Im in not the best state right now; I let my mental illness take too much control over me lately. I was struggling a lot with being reckless, drinking, don’t caring too much of myself. I let past traumas devour me. I let myself detach from reality more far and far. Tho do I even know what reality is haha? But I try to take control back, with help of my husband. I will stop drinking for some time. I hate it, during holidays there is a lot of yummy alcohol but probably years of drinking while being heavily medicated take toll on my health haha

I have some comeback of those awful pains of my muscles and joints, I also was constantly sick in last weeks. Honestly idk what is wrong. Probably both my physical and mental illnesses play part here. But I hope to start feeling better soon. Being in pain for so so long is killing my mind. I just wanna escape pain. UPDATE: It got better, I have less muscles pains. Its also possible I suffer from endometriosis which might be huge reason for a lot of stuff – Im starting getting diagnosed in January

Thankfully because of support I had I was able to stay alive and keep fighting. I wanna be back. I don’t want to dive deeper into darkness of my mind. I know I need to create to stay sane, putting my darkness into arts is only way to free my mind from it. I missed you guys really really much

I hope now I was able to overcome my fears and anxiety enough to create again. I think focusing on art and creating is only way to go

I wanna have better time next year, really ;-; and I hope now Im back for real. Keep in mind cause of Holidays I wont be home all the time cause I go to see a lot of my family and friends, I hope I will be feeling ok after this >XD but I hope next year will be my big comeback, I miss creating and posting soooooo much aaaaaa

Hi guys!

Im super sorry for disappearing without word but last weeks [weeks? I dont have idea how much time passed...] me and my husband first catched awful cold and then we had some stomach issues. Meanwhile I was dealing with severe depressive state and my borderline decided to take it toll. I was feeling so bad I had a lot of suicidal thoughts but as you see Im fine. I have my husband's support and my family tries to their best to haha Today Im doing better and I really wanna clear up some things and I hope to be actually back

Im super sorry for all missing arts I promised - here is update: November Patreon print was missing even though I told it should be back. But dont worry, It will be sent with December one! [All missing stuff like traditional originals or welcome letter will be there too!]. So you will get two for this month :> I hope to have it printed next week! Comm and rq - will be posted today! Gorevember - haha Im such failure, it should be back today too. I will also try my best to reply to all messages and such! I will be posting short video on yt with life update [mostly what I say here] and I hope to have actual video on monday!

Im super grateful for your support and Im sorry for not responding to messages - I saw them but I felt so bad I felt unable to talk to anyone. I was isolating myself from everyone, its not like I dont want to talk to certain people - I didnt felt able to talk with anyone, I even struggled to talk with my husband, I just wanted be alone in my misery

I decided to try my best to come back as I saw Im going to road to nowhere, only getting worse and worse. And its super hard when you feel so bad but I tried some baby steps to feel at least a bit better to be able to live my life. And today I feel good enough to actually do something artistic/related to social media. Also I wanna give you update

so yeah, I hope December will be better month for me. I will do my best to catch up on missing stuff and be back

I love ya guys, Im super grateful for your support. Depression is hell and I wanna my maniac state back lolz. No srsly, I would love to be 'normal' but I feel its too much to ask for now. But I will try my best on my road to recovery